After a while I got really comfortable with the whole set up and when I went to visit her, I would open the side of the contraption, turn off the monitors and remove them. Then I would change her diaper. I did this all inside the incubator, through the two hand holes. This was to make sure that she didn't get too cold.
We had a routine where my wife and I would visit every three hours so she could breast feed, and cuddle. We did this all through the night. My wife was pumping milk so we could feed the babies as well, so a couple of times I would give her a break and go and do it myself during the middle of the night. This would enable her to have at least a few hours of sleep.
Earlier in the day I went to the NICU and put my hands in the incubator and saw that Twin B's diaper was wet. So I got my supplies and got ready to change her. I removed the diaper and saw that it was wet. She hadn't pooped. Easy enough. I grabbed her legs and got the new diaper in position. Before I knew what was happening, a jet of liquid poo shot out of her sphincter and sprayed the side of the incubator. As I stood there in shock, the nurse came and kind of chuckled at my misfortune. She was good natured about it, and told me they would need to replace the incubator. I guess they wanted it to be clean. Hot baby shite isn't a nice thing to deal with. So a new one was wheeled in and everything was cleaned up. No harm no foul.
After that I was pretty gun shy. Well, bum shy really. I tried to remove the old diaper and put the new one in so I could always be sure to contain any spray. So, now it is around 5 am, and I have left my wife up in our room with Twin A. I took the milk she pumped and headed to the NICU. There was an older nurse on duty at that time, and she paid no attention to me as I went to the incubator to change Twin B prior to feeding. In my groggy state, I removed the diaper and sure enough when my guard was down, another jet of fecal matter sprayed onto my hands and coated the inside of the second incubator. My heart sank. I am pretty sure I said "Fuck".
The nurse came over, and I could tell she wasn't pleased with me. She had heard the tale from earlier in the day. So now, about 12 hours later I had done it again. She said something like, "You don't learn do you." It is day 12 of my babies life. I have been sleeping on a shitty cot in my wife's hospital room. Waking up every few hours to take care of the babies. Now it is 5 am and I am standing with my hands covered in shit and I know I have to wait for the new Incubator to come before I can put Twin B back in and I can return to my room. So, let's just say, learning wasn't my top priority at that moment.
So I waited there. I fed the baby, and held her until a new incubator was wheeled in and warmed up to the proper temperature. That took so much time, that my wife woke up in her room and freaked out that I wasn't back. She wrapped up Twin A and came down to the NICU. She saw me sitting there holding the baby. I explained the situation with the incubator and in jet of shit. She wasn't pleased. She thought something bad had happened.
So, I got shit on my hands. I got shit on by the nurse. And I got shit from my wife.
I am the Poop Catcher.
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