Welcome To My New Life

My wife just had twins. I've learned that everything is about Mom now. I often catch her saying "my" babies. I tried to correct her a few times so she would say "our" babies, but now after a few months of reflection, I understand why she says it. Having a baby changes a woman in so many ways. It changes their body. It changes their brain. It changes their outlook on everything.

But Dads don't have hormones or physical changes to deal with. Everything is pretty normal for us. Until one day you are playing golf, and after seven holes you get the call. 5 weeks before you planned it, you are in the hospital and after 17 hours a doctor hands you a wrinkly, wet, bluish unhappy baby. Then 6 minutes later they hand you another one. So life changes, but you have less stretch marks.

As a new dad, I wanted to drop a few pearls of wisdom.

Sorry, I just had to leave because I am monitoring my twins on a video monitor and they started squirming, so I had to go an soothe them. I am back.

Where was I? Yes, a new dad. I can't breastfeed. I don't have the patients of a mother. I clean. I lift heavy stuff. I change diapers. That is my number one job. Changing diapers. Cloth diapers!

I had never changed a single diaper prior to having kids. Now I am an expert.

I have been shit on. Literally and figuratively.

I am The Poop Catcher